How Leaders Thrive by Seeking Counsel Over Validation

Why Great Leaders Seek Counsel, Not Validation

A CEO unveils a bold new strategy, asking their executive team, “This is the right way forward, don’t you agree?” Heads nod, a concern is raised and quickly dismissed, and the meeting concludes with apparent consensus. Yet, unspoken doubts linger, and critical risks go unaddressed.

This dynamic is common in leadership. Leaders often seek, conscious or not, validation to reassure themselves that their decisions are correct. But this pursuit frequently leads to confirmation bias, welcoming only supporting opinions while shutting out valuable dissent. It limits critical thinking, stifles debate, and blocks innovation.

Patrick Lencioni captures it well: “The true measure of a team is not whether people agree, but whether they contribute their unique perspectives.” Great leaders recognize this and create environments where counsel—not agreement—shapes decisions and drives progress. By inviting diverse perspectives and fostering honest dialogue, they make decisions rooted in wisdom, not ego.

Self-Reflection Question: Are you seeking feedback to learn and grow—or to be affirmed?

Key Differences Between Validation and Counsel in Leadership

Validation and counsel may look similar on the surface, but they serve very different purposes and outcomes in leadership.

What Does Validation Look Like?

• Seeking confirmation with questions like, “Am I right?” or “Do you agree?”
• Prioritizing agreement over exploration.
• Limiting feedback to enhance personal confidence.

What Does Counsel Look Like?

• Asking open-ended, exploratory questions such as, “What am I overlooking?”
• Inviting constructive feedback and diverse perspectives.
• Fostering a culture that prioritizes growth over assurance.

The distinction lies in intent. Are we asking questions to learn and grow or subtly steering conversations toward agreement? Returning to the CEO’s meeting, the leader’s question— “Don’t you agree?” shaped the discussion to confirm their perspective rather than challenge it. This approach may reassure in the moment but risks stifling the critical insights that lead to better decisions.

The Risks of Validation Over Counsel in Leadership

Validation may feel reassuring in the moment, but over time, it creates challenges that can weaken leadership and hinder team success.

Leaders who rely on validation over counsel risk creating a culture that resists growth and change. The research underscores that prioritizing feedback-seeking behaviors leads to stronger individual and organizational performance.

1. Narrowed Vision Through Confirmation Bias: Seeking validation often reinforces existing beliefs while leaving blind spots unexamined. Decisions based on limited perspectives are more likely to miss critical risks or opportunities.
   • Example: A leader shares their business plan only with close allies who are unlikely to challenge it. Without diverse input, important flaws remain undiscovered.
2. Undermined Trust and Engagement: When leaders seek only agreement, team members may refrain from sharing honest feedback, which can lead to a breakdown in trust and stifled communication.
   • Research Insight: As noted in Feedback Practices in Organizational Settings, “Feedback-seeking behaviors help individuals understand how to adjust their actions, improve performance, and align better with organizational goals.” Leaders who foster environments for open dialogue build trust and unlock greater engagement 
3. Missed Opportunities for Innovation: Leaders often silence the creative ideas and alternative solutions that fuel innovation by discouraging dissenting voices. Progress thrives when diverse perspectives are embraced.
4. Organizational Stagnation: Leaders who rely on validation over counsel risk creating a culture that resists growth and change. The research underscores that prioritizing feedback-seeking behaviors leads to stronger individual and organizational performance.

How Leaders Can Thrive by Seeking Counsel

Great leaders approach counsel with humility and a genuine willingness to listen. They create opportunities for others to challenge their thinking, knowing that growth often comes from discomfort.

1. Ask the Right Questions: How leaders frame their questions shapes the feedback they receive. Instead of seeking agreement, ask questions that invite thoughtful critique:
   • Instead of: “This plan works well, don’t you think?”
   • Ask: “What potential challenges do you see here?”
2. Seek Diverse Input: Leaders who value counsel actively engage individuals with different experiences and perspectives—even outside their industry. These fresh viewpoints can reveal opportunities and risks that might otherwise go unnoticed.
   • Example: A marketing director preparing a new campaign consults a logistics expert better to understand the supply chain’s impact on their initiative. This outside perspective helps refine the strategy.
3. Embrace Discomfort: Counsel often includes hearing things you’d rather avoid. While this can be uncomfortable, it’s essential for growth. As noted in Feedback Practices in Organizational Settings, “Receiving feedback, especially when it challenges one’s self-perception, can be uncomfortable but is essential for growth and performance improvement.”
4. Work with a Coach: An experienced coach can help uncover blind spots and refine strategies. By offering unbiased insights, coaches guide leaders through complex challenges, encouraging growth and better decision-making.

Fostering a Feedback-Rich Culture

Leaders who prioritize counsel don’t stop at seeking feedback for themselves—they create environments where everyone feels safe to contribute. When feedback flows freely, teams are empowered to address challenges, explore new ideas, and make better decisions. Ultimately, leaders thrive by seeking counsel.

Internal Feedback Opportunities

1. One-on-One Meetings: One-on-one conversations are powerful tools for building trust and encouraging open dialogue. These meetings allow team members to share honest insights without fear of judgment. Leaders who listen carefully and act on feedback show that every voice matters.
2. Cross-Level Conversations: Employees at different levels of the organization often have perspectives that leaders don’t see. Frontline employees, for example, are closest to customers and day-to-day operations, while mid-level managers may offer a broader view of team dynamics. Engaging voices from all levels leads to more informed decisions.

External Feedback Opportunities

1. Hire a Coach: Coaches do more than offer advice. They help leaders examine assumptions, navigate challenges, and uncover blind spots. A coach provides a unique outside perspective, offering objective guidance tailored to your goals.
2. Mentorships: A mentor is someone who has walked the path before you. They bring the wisdom of experience and the courage to challenge your thinking. A strong mentorship relationship is built on trust, candor, and a shared commitment to growth.
3. Peer Networks: Engaging with peers outside your organization introduces fresh ideas and challenges ingrained perspectives. Whether through industry groups or informal networks, these connections broaden your view and spark innovation.

Reflection: Do you surround yourself with individuals who challenge your perspective or only those who agree with you? Building a culture of feedback begins with inviting and valuing different viewpoints.

Lead by Seeking Counsel, Not Affirmation

Great leaders know that the best decisions often emerge from uncomfortable truths. They recognize that leadership isn’t about being the smartest person in the room or proving they are right. It’s about listening, learning, and ensuring the right decision is made—even if it challenges their assumptions. Leaders who prioritize counsel over affirmation create an environment where teams can thrive, and ideas can flourish.

Authentic leadership requires the courage to embrace discomfort and the humility to admit, “I don’t have all the answers.” By fostering honest dialogue and seeking diverse perspectives, leaders unlock the trust, innovation, and resilience their teams need to succeed.

As Marshall Goldsmith wisely said, “What got you here won’t get you there.” The journey from validation to counsel is not always easy, but it is the path to growth for yourself and the people you lead. Remember, leaders thrive by seeking counsel, not validation.

Key Takeaways

1. Counsel Drives Progress: While seeking validation may offer short-term comfort, counsel delivers the insights that lead to lasting success.
2. Feedback-Rich Cultures Thrive: Teams perform better when leaders create spaces where honest dialogue is welcomed and valued.
3. Diversity Fuels Innovation: Including diverse perspectives, both internally and externally, broadens thinking and sparks creative solutions.
4. Growth Requires Intentionality: Partnering with a coach provides the objective guidance and challenge necessary for meaningful growth.

Take Action with Arcqus Group

At Arcqus Group, we specialize in helping leaders create frameworks that inspire clarity, alignment, and measurable outcomes. Schedule a free consultation with our Founder and CEO, Dusty Holcomb, to discover how intentional leadership strategies can transform your organization.

Take the next step today. Reach out to us and begin your journey toward a more impactful, growth-focused leadership style.

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